A cigarette In the ashtray

 

Light up a cigarette

Yet another regret,lost within but I’l never forget

Cold and wet, and rainy

With the hope of tomorrow bringing better days

But I’m awake, and the the hope is gone but the anguish stays

Blast my music loud so I cant hear the fighting no more

Another face in a crowd. I lie here on the floor

Steam forms from my breath, a sign I’m still breathing

But with gloom brings death, and I consider leaving

But I bite the bullet instead of letting it penetrate me

Who knew living could devastate me

Let the ash blow away, it will soon be gone

The grind is rough and the day is long

The old healed laserations on my arms will give confession

They will tell you the story of my dark cold depression

Let it leak from my veins,dry out the stains

Marred and drenched with wretched disdain

Hang my head and let the rain run down the windows

Walk along like nothing is wrong,

But deep within me the life has long since left.

Induced oblivion, numbness is welcomed

For a few hours im happy.then soberness comes

Belittled, forgotten, left to the peripheral

What an epiphany, please come tell me it’ll all be alright

But don’t tell me its gods plan and that this is my plight

Take your view of me and purge it, I wont reinvent myself

Even though I’d love to but I still refrain and prevent myself

Protest the anguish and live in a rut,

But see now what happens when yor lifeline’s been cut

Phone a friend, 50-50, whatever you may call it

Life is an illusion and I simply wont fall for it

Pills get ingested but happiness cant be

Cant you hear me cry out, or can you not see me?

Its ok but its not alright

All is wrong and im losing my sight,

I cant see the future, im not psychic to do so

Pass me by without looking,its not going to hurt me

It happens so often that I hold a sign that says ‘abuse me for free”

Throw a punch,blast a bullet and I’ll be greatful

Society, I can see your eyes and they’re dark and all hateful

But don’t think I’m pleading for anything cos I simply shall not

All my life this has been going and myself is all I have got

But for those who stand by me I couldn’t be more appreciative

I might not show it and you might not know it but its not something native

Its held deep within that does not mean it doesn’t exist,

I just don’t show it

Cos life has me handcuffed and I cant wave, when my wrists are restrained

And from happiness I feel forcefully refrained,

do not think im enjoying this,

Because you couldn’t be more wrong,

 I hate what I am,so I’m going away and soon I’ll be gone

Toss me a penny,I’ll drop its clumsily, Its hard to grasp something

When you’re brought to your knees.

Free me I beg,I beg of you please.its impossible but please try

When I do go please do not break down or cry

The windows of your soul are your eyes the all say

But don’t bother knocking,the windows are drawn shut,

And the residents are dead, when life is astray and the reason seems gone

I feel like a cigarette in an ash tray that is frowned upon and deemed wrong